Personal boundaries separate you from others and define your space to be yourself. They are crucial to maintaining your mental and emotional health and well-being. A lack of personal boundaries typically influences a person’s ability to be vulnerable, as there is a fear of sharing their emotions with others. Instead, there is a focus on making others happy or comfortable.
There are 3 types of boundaries people typically have—porous, rigid, and healthy. Porous boundaries indicate that there are little to no boundaries, or boundaries are typically crossed with no consequence. People with porous boundaries may seek connection and may be more likely to let go of boundaries to gain that connection. Rigid boundaries can interfere with connection with others as the boundaries may be too inflexible, leading to isolation or withdrawal from connection. Healthy boundaries are right in the middle of the two. You are strong in your boundaries; however, there is an understanding that situations can change, and boundaries may, too.
Key Strategies to Setting Boundaries
When it comes to setting boundaries, it’s not always easy. But there are a few key strategies that can make the process a little smoother…
- Be assertive and respectful. Make direct eye contact and use a confident tone.
- Be clear and concise, and avoid over-explaining. Going into too much of the “why” may distract from setting the actual boundary.
- Plan what you want to say. It can be helpful to have an idea of how you want to approach it, which will help you feel more confident.
While it may seem like setting boundaries may take away from our relationships, they actually help us feel better connected to others. So, even working on your mindset around boundaries can be helpful. They are a form of self-care!
If you are unsure of where to start, I like to have clients identify their values as a starting point and branch off from there to explore what boundaries they may want to set. Leaning into your emotions with certain relationships and situations may also be a telling sign that a boundary has been/is being crossed. Then, you can reflect on more specific categories of boundaries such as emotional, financial, physical, etc.
I believe it is important to practice self-compassion throughout the process of setting boundaries. Remind yourself that you are taking care of yourself, and ultimately, this will help you show up more fully in your relationships!
