The holiday season can be a time filled with joy, kinship, fellowship, and tradition. It can also be a time accompanied by stress, grief, conflict, and financial insecurity. How do we manage the latter so that we can fully enjoy and be present in the feel-good feelings of the holiday season? As a couple, feeling like a team and creating a sense of “we-ness” during this time is valuable in managing those harder feelings that may accompany the holiday season. So, what can couples do to foster that feeling and connection?
As a part of my job as a couples & relationship therapist, I help couples navigate challenges during this time and strengthen their connection. One thing that can be helpful for couples is to establish intentional, consistent moments of quality time with your partner. Dr. John and Julie Gottman, creators of the couples counseling approach called The Gottman Method, call these intentional moments Rituals of Connection. These moments can be filled with conversation, intimacy, or engaging in individual interests together. Rituals of Connection are essential for the health of your relationship throughout the year, but even more so as schedules become busier with kids on winter break, pressure and deadlines at work, traveling or hosting out-of-town guests, and more time spent outside the family and home. With less time available and schedules deviating from the daily routine, the risk of turning away from your partner, feeling emotionally disconnected, and having mismatched expectations for the holidays can increase the risk of conflict in your relationship. Rituals of connection do not have to be big events but rather many small events you can both regularly count on.
Below are some examples of Rituals of Connection that can naturally fit into your daily routines. The goal is for your Rituals of Connection to take minimal effort but have maximum results.
Rituals of Connection
Rituals of Connection help you turn toward your partner, increase emotional closeness, increase feelings of “we-ness,” and increase feeling supported by your partner. The most crucial factor to remember with Rituals of Connections is to make them RITUALS and consistently engage in these rituals regularly to feel connected. What are some rituals you and your partner currently engage in? What are some rituals you can create for this holiday season?
If you are looking for more support improving your relationship, reach out today to connect with Vanessa or one of our experienced counselors today to get started with couples & relationship therapy.
Terminology derived from Gottman Couples Therapy, including rituals of connection, we-ness, turning toward, turning away, state of the union, stress-reducing conversation
