It can be SO hard to navigate your relationship after bringing a child into the equation. The transition to parenthood can be both an exciting and scary experience, from choosing your child’s name to creating your birth plan. After bringing a child home, it is easy to become so wrapped up in the excitement and planning that we often forget to have conversations about creating an environment that nurtures the relationship with our partner and keeps the connection strong. Research developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman show that almost ⅔ of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction up to three years after having a baby.
While I do provide couples counseling and work on concerns such as relationship satisfaction after children, I also know this concern on a personal level. As a new mother, I know the struggles of balancing caring for your new baby and attempting to take care of yourself. You feel as though your tank is always on E, and the thought of putting more effort into your relationship or another person can feel defeating! With that being said, what can you do to keep your relationship afloat?
What Can You Do to Keep Your Relationship Afloat?
Frequent Check-Ins: Check-ins with your partner can keep you both emotionally connected to one another. Make a pact with your partner to keep check-ins consistent and meaningful for you both. Even 15 minutes a day can be so helpful!
Communication of Needs: The first step in communicating your needs is to know what your needs are! When our needs are not met, we could be left to feel hurt and alone. Take time to reflect on your needs and encourage your partner to do the same. I always suggest that my couples utilize “I statements” when communicating needs. “I feel [emotion] when [explain the specific behavior]. I need [state your need]”. When utilizing “I statements,” avoid language that places blame, and remember that you are both a team!
Prioritize Making Time for One Another: This can feel nearly impossible, especially in the newborn stage. Embracing the small moments with your partner without your baby can increase your emotional and intimate connection. Even something as simple as finding a TV show to watch alone together or playing a card game can make an immense difference.
If you are struggling and would like additional support in navigating the transition to parenthood and keeping your connection strong, reach out to get connected to one of our experienced couples and relationship therapists.
